How to drive like a Hong Kong minibus driver

As any residents of Hong Kong know, the mentally ill are carefully incarcerated in little green minibuses so that they can work out their frustrations in public. Should you ever find yourself in a state of mental collapse and thus relegated to steering a minibus around, here are some tips, based on careful observation over the years.

• Your throttle is a binary control. It's either off or jammed to the floor. Passengers will thank you for the constant neck exercises they are required to do.
• Your brakes only work when they're screaming or the wheels are locked. You should also wait until the last possible minute before leaping on the brakes. Always try and outbrake motorbikes, Ferrari's, etc when stopping at traffic lights.
• You should steer like Mr. T from the A-Team. Large random left to right sweeps of the steering wheel even when proceeding down a straight road. This also keeps your tires warm so that you can scream around corners even when you can't see what's there. If you can't see it, it doesn't exist.